Often

I often find myself thinking about one constant thing. My family. My immediate family and my extended family. I often think of what our lives would be like if we lived in close proximity to family. Currently we live 17 hours away. SEVENTEEN. It's difficult because you can't make it in a day. (Well, you can. It's hard with a toddler.)

Did you ever hear the saying, 'you go where the money is'? We have lived that montra for the past 4 years, and let me tell you that money isn't always that great. Please don't take this as I'm not thankful for the life we live because I AM. I am blessed beyond means to be able to stay at home with my child, and I have a husband with a determination to do whatever it takes to make us happy. We have sacrificed relationships with family and friends to pursue the bigger goal in hopes that one day we will move back to our family. I have anxiety over this matter that it often interferes with my ability to commit or want to commit to relationships now. It interferes with my willingness to be open with people and invite them in because I know/hope we will be moving in a couple of years. It's inevitable because I know that we will be closer to our family. It has now become our goal and our main priority....to make it back 'home.'


There is any opportunity that has presented itself and I am hoping for clarity from Jer's boss this week. Meanwhile, GOD may have a slightly different plan and HE may want us here. I don't know. I hate not knowing, but I talked with my sister tonight and she told me to pray about it because it really isn't up to me.


So, that's what I'm going to do. Pray. I'm going to pray and be thankful for my life, my family's lives, for my husband who has a job and the time I get to spend at home with my son. I'm going to pray that HE will decide what is best for our little family. I'm going to give up the anxiety of our fate and pray that HE will give us comfort. I may not be the best at 'walking the walk' but I know how to pray.